Doran Seff Is A National Treasure And If We’re Not Careful Nicholas Cage Is Going To Steal Him

2020 was widely agreed upon to be one of the most… bunk years of modern history. It was in fact so completely, bat shit, off-the-wall crazy, that it became frustratingly difficult to separate truth from fiction; we found ourselves living in The Upside Down (shoutout Stranger Things). When faced with a situation of such grandiose absurdity and immense capacity for catastrophe, there’s a handful of options that come to mind to be employed for keeping one’s sanity, at the very least. For starters, you can laugh. Hysterically if possible. You might be institutionalized but that’s OK because truth be told, at least there you’ll find some semblance of normalcy and regularity if nothing else. You could try diving into your respective echo chamber of choice, which at the very least would provide you some comfort knowing that it’s THE OTHERS causing all the ruckus and disruption in your ludicrous existence.

Alas, one final thought does come to mind to help get you through each preposterous day. An idea that brings me more comfort than any of the others, in fact. You can witness our reality being verbally skewered a la OG Dracula by a talent that we might not even deserve, much less even understand. That man is Doran Seff. Mr. Seff is a modern day renaissance man, promoter, writer, comedian, artist, generally interesting human being; he checks a lot of boxes. He’s been published in a variety of forms, including but not limited to his most recent release, Benzi’s Hammer on Big Whoopie Deal and is best known for his unique and creative short stories, generally influenced by the Denver area.

Born and raised in Miami, Florida Mr. Seff found his way out to Colorado about eight years ago and credits the innovative spirit that can be found here as a major influence and motivator in his pursuits. When I asked how he felt Denver has contributed to his visionary endeavors he replied “There are lots of creative, talented, supportive people here that consistently remind us that it’s possible for crazy ideas to work. On that some note, it pumped me full of drugs and encouraged all of my more profitable, reliable opportunities to move on without me. I don’t know what the diplomatic answer is.” It’s rare but oh so appreciated to receive this level of honesty in the modern day and it was quite refreshing. In fact if I could describe the entirety of my interaction with Mr. Seff in one word it would be exactly that. Refreshing. When speaking with him, there is a sense of depth to his wit and creativity that is hinted at but just subtly. Like a southerner trying to get laid before the days of tinder. One gets the sense that he pulls from a wide breadth of inspirations and experiences and approaches the day-to-day with a sense of wonderment and adventure that we would all do well to take note of.

During the course of our conversation, I asked whether he would prefer a castle or an island, as in my eyes those are how the world is divided. His response? “Interesting question, as I fantasize often about both. Similar strengths; Isolation. The Castle has walls, the Island has a Sea Wall. As much as I want to be Ned Stark when I grow up and live in Winterfell, I think the Island is the safer bet. I'd learn to spearfish and go native. Let my ding-dong dangle in the sun, free of judgment. Castles are protected, but they all still have drawbridges. At some point, I'd have to interact with other human beings." I personally couldn’t have answered the question better myself, and neither could you have. The sheer range of activities mentioned is impressive if nothing else.

As mentioned earlier, much of Seff’s work draws from localities around Denver and there are plenty of references to help attach his reader to the story, including to what is in this authors opinion, The Greatest Street In America (no that’s not a title), Colfax Avenue. It makes sense though, Colorado as a whole and Denver in particular are cultural bastions, veritable Statues Of Liberty with regards to being vanguards of the creative arts in all their many forms. It’s a place that’s been written about for many years and by many authors, perhaps most famously in Jack Kerouac in On The Road. Naturally, I had to ask what Mr. Seff’s favorite parts of living in Denver are, and why was it, Colfax? His reply?
“Denver has the best balance of normal and weird. Day-to-Day life is very chill. People at stores are nice. The weather is nice. Colfax is an excellent hub to the weird. When you want to go find it, Colfax is where it spawns and it is a renewable resource.”

It was after this moment, that I decided to stop getting in the way of this man’s creative genius and revert to a traditional interview because, well, I care about you the reader and you deserve the raw-raw, that unfiltered good-good, straight-from-the-mountain spring, bottled and shipped with love. You’re welcome.

In the form of a Donald Trump tweet, give us a brief bio, please.
Doran J. Seff is an EXCELLENT writer. He will Make American Literature Great Again. Don't listen to LOW-RATINGS New York Times, who won't publish him. Nobody knows more about stories than I do, and I would read me! Lots of people read me. Covfefe.

When did you first write?
Music had always been my first love, and I started writing songs when I was around 16. I didn't give writing much thought but would do little poetic doodles in my notebook sometimes. I wrote my first short story when I was like 24, and just kind of fell in love with the depth of Story. People always talk about "writing" and I think the art of Story is the more dynamic, interesting component of the whole package. It's something we all know, from the greatest Shakespearean scholar to the drunkest bum on Colfax. Humans have always communicated our experiences to each other through story. Writing is fine, but it's just words in a font. A means to an end. Story is where the good stuff happens.

Have you always been creative?
Up until I was 15, I was 100% certain that I would be an NBA player. When that tragically fell through, I had to get creative. I was a terrible employee. I got fired all the time from jobs. At some point, you start gravitating towards things you don't need anybody else's permission to do. It works for some people. I think a lot of creatives end up in that world because the real world couldn't figure out what to do with them.

We first crossed paths during the days of Monday Night Menagerie. How was running what one might call a, “Wook Circus”? Did you ever have to hit anyone with a ketamine blow dart?
Haha! I never hit anybody with a Ketamine blow dart, and sadly I've missed my chance. They've got metal detectors now. Conducting a "Wook Circus" was one of the great honors of my life. People make fun of Wooks, but they show up and are mostly harmless (if a little stinky at times). Starting an event with no budget and big aspirations is an incredible challenge. It purges you of your social idealism. You work with what you've got. I prided myself on making Menagerie the most accessible, interactive, adventurous social hangout that I could. I think we did a bang-up job.

Who are some writers you admire or take inspiration from?
George R.R. Martin (Game of Thrones Series) is the GOAT. If you haven't read his books, you haven't seen the best. He's like Mozart, you couldn't just tell somebody else "go duplicate that". I'm a big Kurt Vonnegut guy (hot take, I know). He takes a tremendous understanding of the technical craft of writing and storytelling and turns the rules against themselves. He makes the 4th wall his bitch. Very funny, creative guy. Comedy is something I focus on a lot. Lately, my new inspiration has been Terry Pratchet. He's also hilarious. Great at object lessons. Using a small item or social norm and highlighting what is odd and silly about it in a very worldly, timeless way.

What is your writing process like?
I usually go into a story with a clear idea of what my general riff is. Usually, I'm playing off of a dynamic or predicament I find funny or poignant. I've sort of compared the process to flying an airplane. The hardest parts of flying a plane are getting off the runway and landing it. So going into a story, I tend to think about how to get it off the ground, where the reader can smoothly receive the information they need to follow along with you. Then I think about how I can land the plane, where I can end the story at a place where the characters have had a meaningful experience and the reader can feel satisfied that they didn't just waste their time. I think readers tend to be mostly absorbed by what happens in the air. The loop-de-loops and drops and climbs. Those come to me while I'm writing and through edits. Taking off and landing safely is the part that takes the most practice, as they are the easiest places to crash your plane into a tree and kill all of the theoretical passengers aboard this metaphorical exercise in a fiery blaze.

What inspires you to write and why is it, Bukowski?
Bukowski is an OG. Big fan of his. He was part of that first era that chipped away at all the old world, rigorous classical approach to writing fiction. He helped get rid of the entry barrier. You don't need a doctorate in Literature and English to write work that resonates with people. You don't need to be incomparably brilliant or have a 500+ page tangled storyboard. He paved the way for people like myself to write plainly what they feel in the common dialect that people actually speak. And for publishers and the public to recognize that approach as a viable path.

If you could make any two people from history have a water balloon fight to the death who would you choose?
You know I'm a huge history nerd, so this is right up my alley. After a preposterous amount of thought, the answer to me is obvious. Julius Caesar vs. Genghis Khan. The 2 best conquerors IMO, and a fascinating clash of styles. The Khan was more ruthless and more mobile. His cavalry would be shooting balloons with bows and arrows from horseback at Caesar's stationary legions with sword and shield. Advantage to the Khan there. But Caesar would know this, and would never meet him in open terrain. The Romans were master builders, so they'd construct some insane fortress that would utilize the heights and the rivers, so they could have freshly refilled balloons readily available.

It would ultimately come down to the Khan navigating Caesar's fortifications and executing a prolonged siege. Surround the fortification, choke out their food supply, wait for them to wither on the vine. Has a water balloon fight ever ended in starvation? The stakes are enormous. My gut says the Khan takes this with superior mobility, but never count out the craftiness and diplomacy of Caesar. Who knows what kind of letters he'd be sending to raise allies. This fight would take several years. So. Much. Latex.

We've been hearing about your debut novel for a while now. What is it about, and what the hell is taking so long?
The novel is my baby, the first book of a series. It is called 'A Divine Case of the Spins'. It is a surrealist comedy about a young down-and-outer who commits suicide to escape from the mundanity of life, only to arrive in the afterlife and find that there is as much mundanity (if not more) in the afterlife as on Earth. There is no escaping the things that bother you, you have to face your problems eventually. He meets all sorts of colorful figures from history and religious lore and learns to cope with his limited importance in the grand scheme. It is a young man's quest to find understanding and take ownership of the future of his afterlife. It's about redemption, making friends, asking the hard questions, and accepting that which you cannot change.

The short reason why it's taking forever is because I have no idea what I'm doing. There's no roadmap for this. This is the third draft I've done, and the longest by far. We've had at least 5 titles. The universe has expanded in size and scope by leaps and bounds. The vision started almost as a skit of God being 10,000 years old and a terrible boss and has evolved into a sprawling clusterfuck of silliness, depravity, glory, and futility. I've got great people supporting me that have been very patient as I learn how to land an airplane nobody taught me how to fly. I want this to be the beginning of a great franchise.

A lot of stories get written in board rooms, where a marketing team decides the kind of story they want, for which demographic, and hire people to make it happen. I think that great, iconic stories in literature and now in film come from a more organic approach. Some idiot like me, slaving away over an idea. Crafting the geography and rules and society of a made-up world, totally ignoring the one he actually lives in. Great characters come from spending months wandering around your apartment like a nut-job, having conversations with imaginary people. If your dog doesn't think you're insane, you're not writing a great story. This is my best crack at it. I know it seems like a long time to spend several years on something barely anybody has seen, but it doesn't feel like a gamble to me. I don't have a choice. This is what I do, and I have to make it work.

There are few interviews that have made me laugh as hard or as consistently as this one that I was so fortunate to experience with Mr. Seff. I feel that I could have many more conversations with Mr. Seff and not find my mind wandering or unfulfilled, similar to returning to a favorite hike to discover a new view you had missed before. We plan to feature much more of his work in the coming months, including more interviews, short stories, and whatever else may be created in the process. That’s the beauty of everything going so totally ass-over-elbow this past year; the old rules were built within the confines of the old system and now we’re left to decide what the new normal is and how we interact with it. I find Mr. Seff’s writings to be particularly comforting in times like these, a gentle reminder that it’s all going to be ok and like the late, sometimes great, Hunter S. Thompson said. “Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside in a cloud of smoke, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming "Wow! What a Ride!”